I smell sex and candy...

There's many reasons why a woman may start to act a little crazy and I'm going through two of those reasons right at this very moment - 1.) a diet and 2.) a drought.

Regarding number one: Yes, I've lost 9 pounds and it feels wonderful. So much so, that it makes me want to continue on to my goal weight. But I'm not going to lie, I'm feeling border-line Lindsay Lohan crazy. Everyone knows you're not yourself when craving anything that's not an apple or carrot stick. Everything starts to resemble food: chubby fingers for twinkies, dogs for ball park franks, you sadly even stand closer to a stranger on the elevator just because their breath smells like a hint of roast beef from Arby's.

I'm on month one of this "healthy living." Which in translation means I secretly fantasize beating you with a hard rice cake as you're eating your Chipotle and smiling at me. There are many days I want to scream, pull my hair out, and run off with an ice cream truck man named Tony. Oh, the things I would do to him for a klondike bar. That's problem one...

Regarding the second contribution to my craziness: the ever dreaded drought. I'm not going to say exactly how long it's been. But, let's just say it's just about as long as Gary Coleman's hollywood career: It may seem short to a few select people, but in the end it's pretty damn long. Too long. It's to the point that I'm watching Wheel of Fortune at the gym on the treadmill and am starting to find Pat Sajak attractive. Sad, I know.

In my defense, I havent had time. I know, who doesnt have time for sex? Probably just me and Larry King. Unless I some how fit you in between the slot of my internship and class, it's not gonna happen. I admit, I could call up an ex, solve this, and end the unexplained attraction to Sajak . But, why backtrack or even settle for "mediocre" sex?

When going out with friends, they try to be the "vagina whisperer" by introducing me to various guys in hopes this drought will be cured. But, sadly I havent been impressed. Am I picky? Damn straight I am. And I honestly don't see anything wrong with it.

One day, I'll reach my goal weight, be able to have some chiptole before having an amazing night of sex. Til then? I swear vibrators and 100 calorie pack of cookies are the best inventions known to man kind.

XoX
Hotto