There are a few things I cannot stand in this world: 1.) Belly buttons - and don't even get my started on the thoughts of belly button lint. 2.) Nickelback - who can love a band who's songs all sound the same and their lead singer looks like a cracked out cocker spaniel? 3.) Brendan Fraser's acting skills - if you even try to argue me on this one and bring up his role in Encino Man or George of the Jungle, then your name will appear on this list as well. 4.) Animal print Lingerie - Because zebras and cheetahs are such sexy animals?!? and 5.) First Dates - it's like a job interview except you wear a pair of your prettiest panties. Yes, I despise first dates. It could possibly be due to the fact that Ive had many bad experiences with them or that I have a slight problem in dealing with change. I've dealt with many lame jokes, lame sexual innuendos, lame guys...just lame in general. However, my most recent date...well, I'm not gonna lie, the tables were turned. I was the lame one.
I really don't get nervous. It's not a word brought up in my vocabulary very often. But, before this date I was. I wouldn't go as far as saying I was as nervous as O.J. on trial...but, I would at least say I was as nervous as Paris Hilton in court. You know the kind, like it's probably going to turn out okay in the end, but still the thought that something could go wrong along the way is a slight concern. But, either way you're blonde at the end of the day, so the day is not gonna suck that bad for you.
Let me first off by explaining how I met this guy. I was working for the radio station in downtown Cleveland for the Indian's opening day and there were tons of Cleveland sports fans everywhere. Which basically meant there were a lot of drunken assholes roaming the streets and tons of cops trying to control them.
I was down to my last hour handing out promotional flyers when a cop car pulled up and parked on the street. I wasn't a bit pleased. I knew they were going to ruin my groove. Everyone knows cops are the biggest party poopers known to man kind - except for the pope and my mother. I ignored them walking toward my direction, until I caught view of the one officer. Sound the "Bow chicka bow wow" music, he was beyond gorgeous. He had an all American look about him. Okay and the uniform he was sporting didn't hurt either. Still, I acted like I wasn't phased by his presence and continued with what I was doing.
He finally was positioned right next to me, standing with his arms crossed, trying to come off as Officer Bad Ass. "Nice day, huh?" he casually asked. I looked over and mumbled "Yeah, guess so."
By this time I was getting frustrated that no drunken people wanted a flyer from me. I mean why be in such a rush to go to your nice baseball seats when you can have a white piece of paper with some words on it that don't mean shit to you?!
I believe at that moment I had groaned to myself, when I all of a sudden heard a male voice blurt out "God, you suck at this."
"Um, excuse me?"
"I said, you suck at this. Who fails at handing out flyers? Well, you are blonde...never mind."
I just stared at him for what seemed like four hours. I was intrigued, impressed, pissed, and shocked that Officer Bad Ass actually said that to me.
My response? "Well, you sure aren't any help standing next to me. Everyone knows people avoid the area where cops are hanging out at. Shouldn't you be eating a donut or something instead of irritating me?"
Who would have thought that statement would have landed me a date?
And that's where it all began...
(to be continued)
XoX
Hotto
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