Once Upon A Time...

Warning: This is not the usual blog, it's unusually girlie...Bare with me, this isn't the route I'll be taking the rest of the entries...just sometimes you need to get things off your chest.

As long as I can remember I've always ruined moments that had potential to be some kind of perfect. You know the kind, moments hopeless romantics actually pay money to see at a theatre while eating their overpriced salty popcorn.

A potential kiss in the pouring down rain in a secluded field? I stopped it and walked away. A confession of love for me under the stars by the water? I convinced him he didn't know what he was talking about. Him questioning whether he should choose me instead of his girlfriend? I assured him he would be regretting the choice of picking me.

All of these have happened with someone I cared about. Truly cared about. And I feel a hint of regret with each response I gave...

Now, I'll admit right now...I've never been in love. Phew, that's like admitting I have an addiction to crack or something. I don't know why but I'm kind of embarrassed about it. A 23 year old woman never being in love? It's a kind of rarity I realize.

I've felt degrees of love, but never the full on force, knock you off your feet, can't live without them, writing our names on a tree kind of love.

Maybe my problem is that I don't want to settle down. Maybe it's because I'm afraid of getting hurt again. Maybe I question the kind of person that could care about a mess of a girl like me. Maybe, just maybe I'm making lame excuses...

I realize this isn't my typical kind of blog...where's the smart ass Hotto we all know? She's still here, but I am a chick and I do think like one a lot of the time.

I've heard that there's always a reason a woman acts the way she does when it comes to the views of dating and sex, there is a reason...I'll be talking about him in future entries.

It's your typical lifetime movie situation: Once upon a time, Girl's Mom and Boy's Dad were high school sweethearts, Girl and Boy grow up together since day one, Girl and Boy become close friends throughout school, Boy gives girl her first kiss, Girl and Boy go to college together, Boy and Girl go through a lot of things together, Girl realizes how she feels for boy, Boy breaks girl's heart, Girl never fully recovers...

XoX

Hotto