Wedding Crasher & Elevator Sex: The Beginning Of My Bucket List.

Why not have a bucket list? I will complete all of these...Watch me! :-) Things will begin to be checked off this year. (Yes, I realize some are off the wall but, I plan on having 200 items on my list.)

1.) Graduate with at least a Masters Degree.

2.) Climb a Water tower.

3.) Drink in Ireland.

4.) Skinny Dip in a random place.

5.) Have a Kiss in the rain.

6.) See the Rocky Horror show on Stage.

7.) Write a book that I can be proud of, whether or not it gets published.

8.) Find my true love or just a really nice chia pet :-). - found the chia pet

9.) Become a Mother.

10.) Participate in Habitat for Humanity.

11.) Live in a Foreign Country for 6 months.

12.) Go to the Kentucky Derby and wear one of those ridiculous big hats.

13.) Go into a crowded elevator, push all the buttons, and walk out. - 2/12 Austin, TX

14.) Ride a mechanical bull...sober. - 06/12 Kent, OH

15.) Have a star named after me.

16.) See a shooting star that's not during a meteor shower.

17.) Visit the Coney Island Boardwalk.

18.) Solve the rubiks cube, without taking the stickers off.

19.) Be a foster parent.

20.) Forgive him.

21.) Go to Times Square on News Years Eve.

22.) Meet someone who claimed to be abducted by aliens. 02/12 Warren, OH

23.) Hand a 100 dollar bill to a homeless person.

24.) Yell in a dramatic matter "I quit" at a job I hate.

25.) Wrestle in Jello. Why? Well, why not?

26.) Follow another band on tour to at least three cities.

27.) Swim in the "devil's pool"

28.) Pack my bags and set off for a random location with no itinerary planned at all. 06/12 Nashville, TN

29.) Get my motorcycle license.

30.) Slow dance in a vacant parking lot.

31.) Visit a swingers club, just for the hell of it 05/12 Cleveland, OH

32.) Work in radio, full time.

33.) Do a Video Blog with RJ Mills.

34.) Have a quickie on an elevator.

35.) Own a St. Bernard or Great Dane.

36.) Join the Mile High Club.

37.) Throw a drink on someone and walk away.

38.) Read Aristotle’s ethics.

39.) Own all of John Cusack's movies on DVD.

40.) Make a snow angel with my bathing suit on.

41.) Go to a professional football game.

42.) Jump out of a plane...with a parachute on, of course.

43.) Go to a topless beach. 05/12 San Francisco, CA

44.) Buy everyone in the bar a drink. 06/12 West Salem, OH

45.) Eat the tequila worm.

46.) Fall in love.

47.) Meet Robert Plant.

48.) Go Apple Picking.

49.) See every Audrey Hepburn movie.

50.) Be able to recite all the presidents of the United States.

51) Spend a whole day in bed with someone. 2012

52.) Do the hippity dippity in at least 5 different public places. 2/5  

53.) Hang tennis shoes from a telephone wire.

54.) Make my own wine.

55.) Spend a full week doing nothing but volunteering.

56.) Roller skate with a feather boa on.

57.) Send a message in a bottle.

58.) Sleep under the stars.

59.) Say "yes" to everything for a day.

60.) Video tape my life for one week.

61.) Trace my family history.

62.) Do one more pin-up photo shoot.

63.) Be a wedding crasher one time.

64.) Experience serendipity.

65.) Go on a ghost hunt. 02/12 San Antonio, TX. Attempted to at least.

66.) Have a foot poppin kinda kiss. 2012

67.) Go to a comic convention.

68.) Be in a total of 10 plays in my life.

69.) Send flowers to someone anonymously.

70.) Get drunk at my dad's old bar.

71.) Get a sleeve tattoo.

72.) Visit a planetarium.

73.) Have a quickie in a library.

74.) Go to an opera.

75.) Stay on a house boat for a week.

76.) Don't over think an unknown situation and just go with it.

77.) Go to an ugly sweater party.

78.) Go bowling in an evening/ball gown

79.) Go to a ball.

80.) Adopt a senior dog from a shelter.

(to be continued)

I only swing on the playground part II...

So, I went off to this "comfortable" party. As I pulled into the driveway of the address she gave me, I realized maybe they knew more people then I thought. There were at least 15 cars in their yard and driveway. The funny thing about the whole scene? From the outside it looked like not one light was on. I was hoping this chick wasn't crazy and wanted to invite me to some weird cult where they were going to make me drink toxic kool-aid and force me to watch Twilight over and over again in the dark.

I soon found out that this wasn't a birthday party or a cult gathering at all...

The house oozed the smell of pheromones and vanilla scented candles when she greeted me at the door.

I was at a frickin sex party. So much for the birthday cake I was looking forward to...

When "Red" met me at the door, she looked so excited to see me. Like I was working for the Publisher's Clearing House with a million dollar check in hand.

As I walked in her home, it was quite dark. Not dark enough that I couldn't see my own hand in front of me, but dark enough that I couldn't rate the naked man walking towards the hallway.

So, I acted casual. Well, tried to at least. I had to remind myself that I had been around worse when working with people in the rock and roll music industry. Naked men and women around me was like a typical evening...okay, I won't go that far, because I'm not a female version of Gene Simmons. But, with the stuff I was exposed to in the past, this ordeal was like the Disney Channel to me without Miley Cyrus involved.

So, I put a big smile on my face, but obviously not too big because then I would have looked like I was ready to get the ball rolling and my ball was not rolling anywhere. (I realize that doesn't sound the greatest.)

I walked forward to a love seat, and stood there. I didn't know what to say or do. I thought about saying what I usually say when I get uncomfortable in situations "How about those Dallas Cowboys, aye" but she didn't like sports from what I remembered. So, I thought about option B "So, if this is a birthday party, what do you guys do on Halloween?" But, I decided to skip that and just go with whatever came to my mind...

"You guys must have a cheap electric bill if you guys do this often..." (Insert loud giggle at the end. I laugh at my own stupid lines when I'm nervous.)

Red just smiled and asked if she could take my coat. I'm not gonna lie, I was hesitant about giving my coat to her, thinking that my coat will go where all the dirty under-roos and bras were, probably in some big pile in a dark corner, exchanging bacteria with one another and causing my coat to smell like vag, dicks and boobs. I couldn't take that risk, I had church the next day. But, then again I figured I probably should take something off, while noticing a topless Tina in the corner. So, I did. But, I made a decision that that was the only thing that was going to be taken off of my body that night.

As Red went off with my coat, I continued to stand there and regretted wearing a dress, after looking at my options on where to sit. I had two options: 1.) Sit where a man in his tighty whiteys was sitting...he reminded me of my old principal. Or 2.) Share a love seat with Topless Tina who decided to relocate.

...I had no nylons on, nor leggings. I'm not a germ phob, but my legs were not ready for these stranger's bodily liquids. I was heading to another room. Pronto.

So, I went to the kitchen. It seemed like a safe bet. No hanky panky going on, just people eating crackers, fruit, and cheese...naked.

I decided I needed a drink...

So, I went to go pour myself a glass of white wine, turned around and just about everyone was gone except a man in his forties looking in the frig.

I thought about asking him to make me a grilled cheese, but I didn't want to cause him to risk getting splattered from the skillet. I mean, it hurts like hell when you get a little on your arm when you're frying something, let alone on your equipment. Ouch!

He turned around and smiled with some object in his hand.

Holy cow! I wish I could say the first thing I actually noticed was his wedding ring on his hand, but I was actually thinking that whoever his wife is...good for her. He must have a hell of a time riding a bicycle though.

So, after the awkward moment of seeing a naked well endowed man with a tub of butter in his hands, I took my glass of white wine and relocated to another room. I was not going to take the chance on him deciding to use the butter an interesting way in the kitchen. It would ruin me.

Next room: The Billiard room.

Of course I was expecting the pool table to be used as a base for somebody's fun. But, to my surprise it wasn't. Obviously not many watched porn in that room. A pool table is a total cliche, yes. But, come on...it's there. Use it.

I looked at my phone to see what time it was and I felt like I was there for a decent amount of time without looking like I was scared. I had to find Red and her husband to tell them I was leaving and find my coat as well.

My first mission that seemed the most important to me was finding my coat.

It wasn't in the billiard room, nor the kitchen...So, I knew my option was to go upstairs. I felt like I was in for an interesting mission. Scooby Doo and his crew didn't have anything on me.

All the doors were closed, except the bathroom.

I didn't know what to do. I mean since it was a swinger's party, I figured all doors would be open and exposed to advertise what was going on.

So, I did what I sometimes do when I need to think. I sat on the floor in the hallway.

I didn't know what that was going to accomplish. But, I did it. It seemed like the only safe place to sit.

Just then a door opened, and out came an attractive woman with clothes on.

I was so excited, I wasn't the only clothed freak at this naked party. I felt like I met my soul sister at this gathering.

She smiled and said "Were you waiting for a turn? You don't have to sit on the floor, ya know."

I think my mouth fell open a little. Of course I was not waiting on a turn, thank you. If Hotto wants something, she does not wait for a turn, Missy.

"No, I'm looking for my coat and decided to sit down and rest for awhile." <--- rest for what? Why did I say that? I'm not sure. I acted like I came from a long journey with the three wise men.

She looked at me for quite some time and finally said "You're a pretty girl, but I take it you're not comfortable here."

And here comes the nervous babble I am so known for:

"Oh, I'm fine. I blame being basically an only child as to why I don't share well with others. So, I couldn't even be a swinger if I wanted to. Not that there's anything wrong with being one. If you're willing to spread your love to many, then right on. But, it's just not my thing and I feel like I got over dressed for this occasion. Story of my life. I have a birthday card for Tom but I'm not sure if it's really his birthday or not. Do you know? It's kinda a funny card. You know, I read that the swinger epidemic became very popular in the 1960's with the hippies and everything. I think the 60's would be the era I would want to live in but then again I love the 1940's pin-up look. I'm talking a lot, aren't I? I do that from time to time."

She smiled the whole time I was talking.

I stopped, giving her time to say something if she wanted to.

She didn't. She moved closer to my face till there was no more than a few inches from both our faces and I could feel her hot breath on me. Strands of her long blonde hair tickled my face and I had no idea on what she was going to do.

(If I was a real asshole I would stop here and let you wait for part III.)

She continued to stare at me and finally spoke, "You are cute....Your coat is in the room I was in, if you'd like I can get it for you."

...Okay, lady. Number one, you could have just told me that instead of lingering and getting so close to my face, like you were going to start a soft porn-o from Cinemax with me. Number two, I can get my own coat.

She was still close to my face and I finally said "I can get it, but you're going to need to move so I can get up."

She finally moved and walked away, I stood in front of the door she was in previously.

I didn't know what to do. I didn't know whether to knock. If maybe there was a secret code I should know about that Miss Hot Breath didn't tell me.

So, I lightly knocked and said "Hello?" ...I'm smooth, let me tell ya.

No answer.

So, I opened it and there was Red and her husband Tom, and two other couples sitting around talking and drinking...naked.

I gave my best smile and announced that it was time for me to go and thanked them for the invite.

I walked towards my coat and grabbed it.

I didn't know whether to hug Red and Tom goodbye, give them a handshake, or maybe a high five? Normally I'm a hugger, but where was I going to place my hands?

So, I chose the route on waving goodbye instead.

"I had a lovely time" blurted out of my mouth.

(What the hell? I had a "lovely" time? I saw a naked man with a 10 pinch pipe between his legs, holding a tub of butter and I was this close to some hot breathed woman placing her lips on me...and I choose the word "lovely" to describe the evening. That's so not the appropriate word.)

Before I walked out of the room, Tom yelled out "Hey, you're gonna miss me cutting my birthday cake."

...I smiled and told them to have fun.

That was the one time I didn't have a taste for anything sweet and I was quite eager to go straight to the dry cleaners.

xox

hotto

Slow Dancing in a Vacant Parking Lot...

So, this is a quickie.

A friend and I were having a conversation about music and I mentioned how I thought mix tapes and mix cds were becoming extinct. Which is true if you think about it, ipods and iphones are taking charge now a days.

Who doesn't love a good mix? I absolutely adore them. I have a mix for just about everything in the world.

Thought I would share one.

This is an example, not a cry for wanting someone to take me out in an empty parking lot and slow dance with me, KIRK!

You may be wondering who would want to slow dance in a vacant lot? Someone who is spontaneous, a little romantic and feels like there's a little magic in odd places, that's who! :-)

Cheesy? Of course, but in a world so dark and grey...we could all use a little sunshine!

1.) La Cienega just smiled - Ryan Adams.

2.) In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel.

3.) Knife - Grizzly Bear.

4.) Into The Mystic - Van Morrison.

5.) Count On Me- Tonic.

6.) Wonderwall - Ryan Adams.

7.) Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton.

8.) Northern Sky - Nick Drake.

9.) Wild Horses - The Sundays.

10.) The Idea of Growing Old - The Features.

11.) If You Were Here- Cary Brothers.

12.) With Me - Sum 41

13.) I Miss You - Blink 182

14.) Miss You Love - Silverchair.

15.) Swing Life Away - Rise Against.

16.) Brighter Than Sunshine - Aqualung.

17.) Colors - Amos Lee

18.) Everlong (acoustic) - Foo Fighters.

19.) The Scientist - Coldplay.

20.) Have a Little Faith in Me - John Hiatt.

21.) Somewhere Out There - Our Lady Peace.

xox

hotto

I only swing on the playground...

I'm no reserved, turtle neck wearing, don't say that swear word in front of me, honk if you love Jesus, prude. Yes, I do teach bible class on Sunday mornings sometimes, I believe that volunteering gives you more of an appreciation for what you have and more should do it, I sometimes say "shut the front door" instead of the popular WTF, I'm EXTREMELY picky with who I spend time with in my birthday suit, and I never litter...well, once...okay, twice. But, I'm no prude.

After getting that all out there, I want to also address my opinion on the lifestyle I'm about to talk about...swingers and open marriages.

I have quite a few friends that participate in these kind of lifestyles. Not my bag, as you will learn while reading this post, but if they can juggle various other people including their spouse, more power to them. I on the other hand, have a difficult time chewing gum and walking at the same time. But, that's just me.

Most of you who know me personally, know that I'm a pretty friendly girl. I have no trouble meeting new people or making friends. It might be because I have much older brothers and a sister who had left the nest before I was a teen. Or it could be because I constantly talk and like to know more about people and am quite observant. Regardless, I meet new people every week.

Quite a few semesters ago, I was in a class that had a small amount of people in it. I'm talking small, like the amount of people that would show up to watch Rosie O'Donnell strip off her clothing.

With having a small amount of people in this class, everyone got to know each other pretty well. Well, not pretty well, but to the point that we knew everybody's name to get their attention instead of saying "Hey you!" or throwing a random object at the back of their head.

A few months had gone by and I had talked quite a bit with this girl who sat next to me regularly. She had a kind face that you instantly trusted, naturally flaming red hair that you could see a mile away, and was always dressed rather conservative like she was expecting President Obama to arrive in the room.

She laughed at my smart ass comments I would make under my breath about an assignment we had or how the professor mixed up the words lemons and elements. (That's a blog in itself.)

We started to talk about each other's life; how she was married for going on six years, how I wasted six years on some idiot, she was new to the area, and I wish I could leave the area. We had a little in common.

We were assigned a project together and therefore exchanged our numbers with one another.

After several weeks of working on our assigned duties, our project was complete and the semester was over.

Late one night, maybe around 1 in the morning, I had gotten a mass text message from "Red" stating that she was going to be having a birthday party for her husband, lots of games, and to dress comfortably.

Right away I thought "games?" ...Most likely drinking games she was talking about or possibly a round of monopoly or scrabble. That's not what stumped me. Why would she state to dress comfortably? Were we doing yoga in between the games? Maybe she was a tad religious and didn't want any tight clothing being worn in her house?

I didn't analyze it too much, I decided I was going to go for a bit because I knew they were new to the area. It was my duty as the friendly girl of the class to do that.

So, the day of the party, I went through my closet, trying to decipher what would be considered comfy.

I was not going to wear my college sweatshirt to this party. I was raised to get dressed up for anything, even if it was to get milk at the store. Comfortable my ass. They were going to have to put up with my semi dressy attire.

So, I went off to this "comfortable" party. As I pulled into the house of the address she gave me, I realized maybe they knew more people then I thought. There were at least 15 cars in their yard and driveway.

The funny thing about the whole scene? From the outside it looked like not one light was on.

I was hoping this chick wasn't crazy and wanted to invite me to some weird cult where they were going to make me drink toxic kool-aid and force me to watch Twilight over and over again in the dark.

I soon found out that this wasn't a birthday party or a cult gathering...

The house oozed the smell of pheromones and vanilla scented candles when she greeted me at the door...I was at a frickin sex party. So much for the birthday cake I was looking forward to...

(to be continued)

The 51 Randoms Of Hotto...

So, this is my first blog post of the new year. 2012, supposedly the year the world is going to "end." So, lets make this year count, shall we? (Like I needed an actual excuse to do more screwed up things.)

2011 was one hell of a year. I met some great people, did things I never did before, went to concerts that will go done in history as some of the best, received my two degrees, and weeded out the left over negativity in my world. Not too shabby. But, I can do better than that in 2o12...

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So, this blog isn't going to count as a "real legitimate" post.

After getting various emails from various readers on wanting to know a little more about Hotto, I decided to get this over and done with now. So, here it goes: a post of random facts about the gal behind Lipstick Confessional...and when I say random, I mean RANDOM.

(For those that already know me, you can skip over this one.)

You'll probably be confused by most of these facts. You might have a funny look on your face as you read some of them. You might feel like you wasted your time reading this. And if so, good. :-)

Here we go:

1.) I paint when I'm extremely happy with life. I paint a lot. But, I never show my work, just the paint on my hands and arms.

2.) I think only one or two people know the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me. It's pretty bad, I'm not gonna lie.

3.) As much as I talk about being a girlie girl; I love to fish, camp out, play powder puff football, and go on walks in the woods. But, I hate light colored mud. You know, the kind that female mud wrestlers wrestle in? Yeah, I hate that.

4.) I was voted best hair and most likely to brighten your day in my senior year of high school. I'm proud of the second one.

5.) I can pin point what kind of kisser a person is by having one conversation with them. I'm never wrong. Ever.

6.) I used to wake up at 450am for high school and then woke up at 230am for my internship in Radio. Now, I try to do the more natural look and have been caring about my love for sleep more than curling my hair.

7.) I've never tried alcoholic eggnog but I swallowed a worm when I was 8 as a dare.

8.) My next tattoo will be "Que Sera Sera" in memory of two very special people, after that will be a sleeve of a pinup girl.

9.) I started doing theatre to get a better grade in a class in college, after being casted from my first audition, I fell in love.

10.) The Saddest Days in my life: September 10th 2006, December 18th 2007, and October 18th 2010.

11.) I go on solo dates by myself once a month. I have friends, don't get me wrong and they are not imaginary. But, sometimes you gotta have some time to yourself. I have met great people while doing this.

12.) I love homemade gifts, mix Cd's, and homemade cards, more than any other gift in the world.

13.) Ive written a crazy ass poem for my best friend on her birthday for eight years now.

14.) I've never dated younger than me.

15.) I like to sing and rap...but only in the shower. My shampoo and conditioner love my shows. :-)

16.) Are you bored with me yet?

17.) I used to be really shy when I was younger....I overcame that trial. :-) Though, I am quite shy when I like someone.

18.) There's pictures of me in a published book that's quite popular on Amazon.

19.) I'm a pretty tidy girl, except when it comes to my car. She's always a dirty bitch.

20.) I hardly ever drink coffee but will take sweet tea...it's the southern roots in me.

21.) I dance when I stop at stop signs.

22.) I'm always attracted to Geminis. My life would be easier if I wasn't.

23.) My Grandmother told me to always match my panties and bra, because you never know when you're going to get into an accident and end up in the hospital.

24.) I used to be on a diving team and was pretty decent at it.

25.) Tell me your birthday once and I will always remember it. Tell me to call you tomorrow and I will forget.

26.) I can only whistle in places it's not appropriate: Church, Class, Funerals, or my lady parts doctor's appointment...

27.) I tried the smoking while drinking thing a while back to enhance my buzz, it didn't last long. I find smoking rather disgusting and unattractive.

28.) I like to think I make a great peach cobbler and guacamole...separately. :-)

29.) I'm actually a brunette naturally, I just haven't seen that side of me since I was 14.

30.) My 79 year old Grams is one of my best friends. You should be jealous, she is the most awesome person on the face of the earth.

31.) I'm crude at times, but I like to think the females in my family raised a lady.

32.) One time when I was 11 I spit in my mom's dates drink without him knowing it. I didn't like him and didn't feel a bit bad about it.

33.) I make friends with strippers when I go to strip clubs.

34.) I feel more comfortable around famous people than I do normal people. I cant explain it. But, I don't mind it.

35.) I don't like being the center of attention, but I'm usually always the loud one because of my giggle.

36.) I smile a lot.

37.) When I say I'm happy most of the time, I'm not over exaggerating.

38.) I accidently sneezed on a Jehovah Witness that came to my door. I felt really bad about that.

39.) I have no idea on how to be the Big Spoon.

40.) I want the "Say Anything" scene to happen in my life. Very unlikely, but a girl can hope. :-)

42.) I'm always the girl everyone comes to for relationship advice. Why? I'm not sure.

43.) My lucky underwear is Motley Crue under-roos.

44.) I hate the word moist.

45.) I want to start a collage on all the dick pictures I have gotten throughout the years.

46.) Despite these crazy experiences I've had, I'm actually reserved a lot of the time.

47.) I love pillow talk.

48.) I come off as a hard ass, but I'm secretly not.

49.) Ive had one good experience of cuddling.

50.) Those predictions that psychic gave me have been coming true like she told me they would regarding career, school...We'll see about the love department.

51.) I'm stopping at this number because I'm not a fan of even numbers. :-)

I hate the number41, thus why I skipped it! :-)

xox

hotto