Blowup doll Part III

There I was in Mark's truck: Dancing to the Spice Girls on the radio, having my feet on the dashboard, putting Mister Tidbit's ass out the window mooning people and ready to concur the frickin world.

The world should have been afraid for what was to come...

But, first we had to figure out why we were getting pulled over by a cop.

I don't remember a lot during this little episode in the evening. But, I do remember Mark telling me not to say anything to the cop. Me talking to the cop, telling him I want to start a neighborhood watch in HIS neighborhood, and waving goodbye to him with the blowup doll.

The moral of that story: The cop wished me happy birthday and we only got pulled over for a broken tail light. Let the rest of the night continue...

We arrived to the bar to meet everyone and I was beyond plastered. This is one of the reasons why I only drink beer and wine. Liquor makes me...interesting.

Mark held my arm to balance me as we go into the neighborhood pub. I see Darla there, with her hands on her hips, shaking her head.

"How could you let her get like this, Mark?"

"She was like this when I got there, Darla."

...There was history between Mark and Darla and I wanted it to continue.

"WHEN THIS PARTY IS DONE. YOU GUYS CAN USE MY BED. BUT, CLEAN THE SHEETS AFTER, BUDDY BOY." ...Cue me punching Mark in the arm and falling down.

Now the rest of this is some of what I remember and what others told me:

I decided to hold a secret meeting in the women's bathroom, but got sad that I couldn't order a shot and it be delivered in there.

I told a shorter man who was mean to my friend that I loved him in Willy Wonka.

I played a KISS song and was sad again that no dancing on the bar was allowed.

I instead slowed dance to a KISS song with a strange man.

...And then the scavenger hunt began.

There were 8 of us and I got put on the boy's team. Probably because I thought their perverted jokes were funny when I was drunk and I had a truckers mouth on top of it.

I can't even really tell you what was on the list, but I told Mark, Ben, and Seth that we HAD to win. Because it was birthday.

Now, a little bit about Ben and Seth. Ben is the goofy one of the group. He can make anyone pee their pants from laughter. He's good looking, but in a goofy kind of way. Seth is involved in law enforcement and always trys to protect me...and has threatened to arrest me a few times.

Anyways, as the boys and I arrive at the bar, and everyone is doing stuff on the list to win this bet. I'm sitting at the bar with my one blowup doll, Miss Turner and am trying to remain in the real world. But, in reality my head was spinning.

Just as Mark and Seth were giving me a kisses on my cheek for my birthday, I saw him.

Him was somebody I couldn't stand since I was fourteen. He lied about everything: That we slept together when I was 16, what he ate for breakfast, that he met Garth Brooks, you name it. He lied about it. But, that's not what made me boiling mad.

A few months before my birthday, he posted a picture on facebook of a good friend of mine from way back, dancing. Seems pretty normal, right? This gal is a little on the heavier side and he's behind her in the picture with a funny look on his face and a thumbs up. It was obvious he was doing this to make fun of her.

When I had first saw this picture, I was steaming mad. Imagine me remembering this photo when I was beyond drunk. I was livid!

Mark, Seth, and Ben were all crossing stuff off our scavenger hunt list and I got up from my chair and took my blowup doll with me.

Mark told me the day after: "All I saw was you take off your high heels, you threw them on the floor and walked over "Rodney's" way. We all knew we better be getting our asses over there to see what you were pissed about."

My every intention was to talk rationally to "Rodney" and ask him to take that picture down. ...It didn't quite work out that way.

There I was no shoes on, pencil skirt on with a red retro top, charging towards Rodney.

I remember him smiling at me like he knew exactly what I was going to say.

I walked up to him, kept my distance from him, and said "Is there a reason you have a picture like that of Courtney on your facebook?"

He smiled, with chew in his mouth: "Why do you care about it?"

"I want you to take that photo off your facebook."

"Maybe I don't want to, Fancy feet."

I looked at Mark, Seth, and Ben and they were all shaking their heads, wondering what I was going to do next.

Me having the southern roots in me, in my sweetest voice, I grabbed him by his tshirt and said "I don't recall asking you to do it, I'm telling you."

He looked me straight in my face and said "Tell your fat ass friend, Courtney, to lose some weight and maybe I'll take that funny photo down."

I remember fake laughing at what he just said (this included slapping my knee), looking over at the boys, releasing Rodney's shirt, walking away from him, seeing the boys sigh with relief thinking I was going to leave him be, and then grabbing my blowup doll and just hitting Rodney with it. Over and over again as I jumped on top of him, while he was in a fetal position telling me to stop.

According to Seth, Mark and the bouncer had to pull me off of Rodney, because I was not backing down. So much so, that I popped the blowup doll from hitting Rodney with it so hard.

It's a fact, whether I'm sober or drunk, don't hurt one of my friends/family or I will hurt you with something outrageous like a Blow up doll.

I guess we got kicked out of the bar, Rodney lies and never admits to anyone that I beat him with a blowup doll, we won the scavenger hunt still, and I woke up with a ton of fun pictures on my phone, and birthday cake on my feet. ...I heard it was a good time. :-)

xox
hotto