..."Miss Veronica, can you please accompany me to the back of the bus?" ...And so I did.I wasn't an idiot, I had a slight clue on what the invitation was for but I told myself that there was enough people around that if I wasn't feeling it, the word "No" should be apparent to him. There were several bunks in the back, pill bottles galore, touched off with half empty liquor bottles decorating the counters. It wasn't anything quite as glamorous as I had pictured in my head when I thought about a rock star's tour bus. To put it plain and simple: it looked like a drug addicts bachelor pad on wheels.
There was a curtain separating the four bunks from a back room. As I gazed at my surroundings, he stepped in front of me and there was no more than two inches from my face to his. "Yesss?" I asked.
"I wanted to show you some stuff and thought we could hang and talk" he said.
"Oh goody!" I thought to myself. "I'm sure he's going to show me old family pictures of when he was a nobody and then we can talk about his favorite color and his ex porn star girlfriends." Ha! Yeah right, I was prepared to be shown some stuff...like Rob junior.
As Rob opened the curtain, there was a rather good size water bed, neatly made up with all the right amount of pillows, various framed photos on a nightstand and a...stuffed troll on the bed? Yes, I said a stuffed troll. The kind with the mega bed head and jewel at the belly button. I got a cringe but ignored it and planted my fish netted ass on his water bed.
He sat down next to me and told me how he had noticed me back stage immediately.Well, duh! I would have noticed a blonde girl in a bright colored dress, drinking my bottled water and talking to my roadies too.
We continued on talking about life, love, dating and then that's when the bullshit began..."You're not like anyone I've ever met on the road, Veronica. I'm so tired of the stripper, porn star scene. They're so fake. I want something real." ...Yeah? Well, I wanted a fricking lemonade at that moment, but I knew his alcoholic ass wasn't going to have any. So, I guess we were both outta luck. First of all, I know I'm a degree of rad but really, he only met me maybe 2 hours prior. And what man on this planet gets tired of a stripper and porn star?
Still, I kept my mouth shut, giving him the benefit of the doubt and wanting to see where this was going to go. Hey, I wanted to be amused.
As he complimented my intelligence and my brain, (Yes he even said my brain was amazing and real?) his hand landed on my leg. ...Yep, because my intelligence is stored right in that area. I could tell he knew his anatomy well. This was no dummy I was dealing with.
It all of a sudden got silent. He bit his lip, gave me this intense look, and let out this moan/sigh. I think it was him trying to be sexy. But frankly, it looked like he was constipated. Maybe this has worked for his ex porn star girls who knew the word laxative well and weren't alarmed with this look. I, on the other hand. naturally started to giggle. Thus, making him get pissed, wondering what was so funny. I couldn't be cruel, so I told him his hand brushed up against my side and tickled me. (Hey, I never claimed to be totally smooth. But, he believed it.)
After my giggling session was over, he stood up and took off his tshirt, revealing a wife beater and various well done tattoos. ...Okay, so he was looking kind of hot, despite the trailer park wife beater look.
I turned my body around, looking at his various pictures he chose to have framed and there it was in sight...the troll.
I'm not sure if you know this or not. But, little people scare me. No really, they do. Some people are terrified of spiders, heights, commitment...for me? It's little people. Which I feel awful about because they can't help it. I can't even watch the munchkin part in the wizard of oz because I feel like I'm going to be sick. And trolls? Well, they remind me of little people.
So, I nonchalantly bump the troll off the bed so I didn't have to look at it anymore, thinking he wouldn't notice. ...Of course he did. He called it by some name and placed it back on the bed. I asked if it was from a relative or fan. His response? "No, I've just always liked trolls." ...What do you say to that?
This wasn't even an evil looking troll, it was one of the creepy, cute ones that were popular in the eighties and nineties. If you knew what rocker I was talking about, you would be surprised by this infatuation he has.
After the awkwardness died down from me pushing the troll off the bed, he leaned in for a kiss and smoothly laid me down oh his bed...right next to the fucking troll.
The kiss itself was great. It was everything a kiss on the back of a tour bus should be like...rough, hot, scratching, biting, pulling of the hair, ripping on my fishnets. It was indeed one of the best kisses I've had from someone. We had to stop in the midst of our heat session when his tour manager interrupted telling Rob there were many fans wanting his autograph outside the bus. He excused himself and promised he would be back ASAP. "Whatever" I thought to myself. It would give me time to fix my hair, pee, powder nose, and hide that fucking troll.
After awhile he came back on the bus and I had already moved the pillows to one side of the bed...over the troll of course. As he pushed me on the bed, guess where my head landed? None other than right next to that damn troll's head. I felt annoyed that my "brilliant" plan didn't work and I had to share space with the creepy stuffed doll or whatever the hell it was.
The rest of the story is for you to guess on what happened...Did we do it? Did I stop it? Was it simply PG-13 rated? Or did he try to include the troll in the equation? I'll never tell.
But I will say this, we still keep in contact occasionally through emails, though it's mostly him sending pics of his Rob junior (Why do men think women want to see a picture of their penis? It doesn't do anything for us.)
I wish I could reveal who this person is, I truly do. But, like I said...I don't kiss and tell...well, the name at least. But now, every time I hear him belting out a song, I think of trolls and laxatives.
XoX
hotto
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