After having this blog for a while, it's occurred to me that this may not help in my love department. Don't get me wrong, I would be more than willing to bring some of this stuff up after a glass of wine or five if I didn't know you that well...but, having it on the Internet is kind of a different story. It's almost as if having a diary just open on a busy city sidewalk, with a neon sign by it that says "READ ME." But in all fairness, it was my choice to do this. In a way this is a way to document all of my crazy experiences, the modern way. Though, I do have a regular journal I write in every night. (The stuff in that would make your eyes pop out even more.) Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is...there are people who are regular readers of this blog, that I don't know that well or for that matter, at all. I have readers in the United Kingdom, Italy, and Orange County, FL. For instance, a former classmate of mine told me how much her two brothers love my blog. Well, who the hell are they? I'm appreciative of the audience but still a little guarded. Yes, sometimes I do care about what people think about me. 98% of the time I don't. But, anyone who says they don't at all, need to check their pants because they're a liar. We like to be liked and for people to think positive things about us. And by not knowing the readers, I always think "God, they must think I'm crazy wild with little or no boundaries, partying 24/7, with no sleep in between." I can promise you that image is not right. At all. Another obstacle in keeping a blog is when talking to a guy who has been exposed to your entries. They either think one of two things - 1.) "Every day spent with her is going to involve something hilarious, crazy, absurd or possibly all three." Or my favorite - 2.) "What if I do or say something stupid? She's going to write a blog about me. I don't want to be one of her little entries." My response to the second thought is "Don't flatter yourself, there are many stories about guys I've encountered that I don't plan on posting that are quite humorous because it would be obvious to some readers on who it might be. And I'm not that cruel.
The point of this blog that I'm "trying" to make is that I'm not always that crazy girl with movie style adventures. Yes, I've gone to Bondage Bars but I consider my Grams to be one of my best friends. Yes, I've watched Rock stars snort cocaine off of women's body parts but taught Bible School the following Sunday. Yes, I had the radio station I was interning for talk about my bikini line on the air but I spend a lot of my time at the library, Yes, I "borrowed" a police car but would be where ever you are in a heart beat if you needed my help at 4 in the morning, Yes, I bungee jumped but I scream like a little girl when a mouse is near. And sometimes I stay in Saturday nights watching the West Wing, soaking in a bubble bath, and making up potential raps in my head. Yes, I'm a bundle of sass with a dash of wild but let's not forget the side of sweet.
So, I'm not expecting my readers to understand how I operate from this little post. I'm a little bit of this and that. Unpredictable with rituals. Independent with the need for encouragement. Open with her sexuality but picky with who she exposes that side to. An obsessive shopper who changes her own oil. I'm simply a walking contradiction in heels.
The puzzle of myself is not put together like everyone else's, it's occasionally missing some pieces, and the pattern or picture may not make sense to most, but it does...to me. And that's all that really matters in the end.
xox
Hotto
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