Be careful what you wish for...

I remember every single detail about that evening; sitting there in the small cafe, hearing the faint sound of Peter Gabriel singing through the speakers, tugging at the bottom of my polka dot dress due to nerves, and unscrambling the foreign-like words that were being spoken to me. I even began to start pinching myself several times, convincing myself that I had to be dreaming. I had been waiting to hear those three words for over ten years from him: "You're the one."

Like I have said before in past posts, timing has never been a friend of mine. This wasn't just a confession, it was also an invitation to escape with him to another state for a new beginning and I needed to make a decision soon. So the main question was: Did I feel the same?

If I had been asked that question ten years ago, I wouldn't have had to think about my decision. Shoot, even before ten years ago. I knew at the age of eleven that I loved this boy. But, I was always the "friend."

"Robert" is someone that people have always gravitated towards, even when he didn't know a single person in the room. His charisma, sharp wit, and perfect smile left people putty-like in his hands. The fact that people always told him he should go into politics says quite a bit about his personality.

With having this charm about him, he was very popular all throughout school growing up. It's not like I was the nerd. I had my friends, actually made winter formal court, but chose to take the route of the "good virgin girl."

Robert had always been a part of my life since I can remember. From playing in the sprinklers at the age of seven, teaching me how to drive at seventeen, family holiday dinners, late night walks near the park in the summer, comparing ACT scores before we headed off to college together...anything that happened that was big in my life, he was nearby. Always.

During high school I was absolutely hated by Robert's many girlfriends he would go through. Not because they thought we were banging on the side, simply due to the fact that I knew him better than any of them ever could. And it's still true to this day...

Without going into too much back story, I loved that boy. Simply loved him, with every ounce of my being. His friends knew it, my friends knew it, I knew it, he knew it. ...But, he had to first sow his wild oats before anything came about between him and I. I was the "marrying type" he told me. So, naturally I had to wait. At the time, I was fine with this. So, he left and I waited. I waited for seven years.

Cue alarm clock! ...At the age of 22 I had finally woke up and realized "I'm too smart to be acting like an effin idiot." He was dating every Tiffany, Bambi, and Ashley...and I was denying offer after offer from guys because I was waiting for him. So at the age of 22, I quit waiting and did what I should have done way before that: I moved on.

Robert at this time had already transferred to another college to work on a rather impressive degree. Though we were miles apart, we still kept in contact, and I knew in the back of his mind he thought I was waiting for him still while he was sleeping with every blonde bimbo in a 50 mile radius. Little did he know...

Lets fast forward to present day. Robert has been in the air force for quite sometime, graduated from college, has a quite impressive job waiting for him in a southern state...he's ready to settle down, he's ready for that stepford wife. He's knocking on my door.

Obviously a lot of things have changed since I was 22. I'm not the same girl I was then. Hell, I'm not the same girl I was a month ago. I'm still trying to figure everything out. Robert's problem? He still thought I was the 22 year old girl waiting for him.

As I heard him speak those three words: "You're the one" ...chills ran up my spine and I had suddenly forgotten how to swallow. Where were those three words before?

I sat there, stunned. I wasn't ready for that. Right away I went back down memory lane, remembering all of the birthdays I had when I was younger...ten, sixteen, nineteen...all wishing on that birthday candle of mine, praying that he would someday feel the way I felt about him. That he would love me. Well, be careful what you wish for...

He proceeded to go on telling me, that he wanted me to move with him, to start a new chapter with him..."I'm a better person when you're around" he stated.

How is one supposed to feel when someone basically states that they need you in their life because you provide their halo?!

I had felt so many mixed feelings boiling in my veins: hurt, confusion, victory, desire, anger, sadness...

I felt my eyes well up with tears, as I stared out the nearby window. This was an opportunity and he was putting it on the table in front of me, I can either take it or I can walk away from it. This was what I had always wished for, this is what I had always wanted...

I got my emotions under control, took a deep breath, and I spoke two little words that had so much meaning: I can't.

He stared at me in disbelief. Silence filled the space between us. He was convinced I had to sleep on it and get back to him in the morning. "We're meant to be together. You know that. You can't tell me you don't."

My voice trembled as I told him "Things have changed. I'm not the same girl you think I am. I quit waiting for you a long time ago. I moved on."

His face reddened and he blurted out every logical excuse that was probably stopping me: Another guy, my family, school, jobs, that I'm scared of something that could be amazing between us.

None of those were any of my reasons. It was simply due to the fact that I moved on. Finally.

That night, quite a few things ended, including the chapter of Robert and me.

As we stood out in the parking lot, he brushed my hair out of my face, and I gave a half smile in return.

We continued to just stand out there near our cars, motionless. It felt as if all of our past memories were taken by that windy weather that night and we were left with that moment of silence. I didn't want our chapter to end that way.

"You know you're going to do great in Georgia, right?" I said.

He nodded. "Come with me" he whispered.

I didn't say anything. I think he could see in my eyes what I was feeling.

After hugs were exchanged and the smart ass comments to one another to lighten the mood were said, I headed back to my car to leave.

"Haley, do me a favor" he shouted from across the parking lot. "Whoever he is, don't let him break that heart of yours."

I smiled. Too late, I thought to myself, too late.

As I drove off heading back home, I knew deep down that things were going to be different between Robert and I. 24 year old me was feeling accomplished that night, but the fourteen year old me who wished on so many candles cried like a baby on the way home.

xox

hotto